Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Music Please!!!

One afternoon, I felt a sudden urge of listening to some new song which I never heard and turned on the TV. I knew where my favorite Channel V was and hit the buttons 7 and 4. Some daily soap based on college was going on. The last time I used to watch TV regularly was till January 2010. I had heard that people change with time. Channels changing with time is a new thing. Okay Mtv is still alive so tuned on to it and voila! Three gals and one guy were sitting together on some large sofa-like thingy and shouting bad words at each other and to a gal. Her eyes were surrounded by what looked like dark circles of weird colour. I realized that it was her tears that had mixed with her hideous make-up which had made that innocent looking gal look no better than Rakhi Sawant. She was standing facing them like she was the accused in a court. After watching for a couple of minutes, I came to know that the guy who looked more like a school boy with spikes and an artificial goat beard and supposed-to-be cool clothes was the King. You can find him now in a soap advertisement where he stands on the top of a waterfall and drops the brand new soap into the water below. Then he makes a great diving and finds that soap from under the water and has his bath. The gals with mini-skirts sitting with him and looked more like his baby-sitters were his Queens. And they were discussing about eliminating the gal they are speaking bad words about. I was losing hopes so went to UTV Bindaas and the good old Emotional Attyachaar ka nth season was going on.

Friday, October 21, 2011

The broken cellphone..

He used to smile my favourite smile
And speak to me all night long
When he would feel sleepy
I would sing him songs.

I wake him up in the morning
Singing a sweet tone in his ears
He would get irritated for a moment
And then look at me and smile.

I shy away and he grabs me
He will see the time and get shocked
He will get ready quickly
And will take me to his office.

I do not know if his work is done
But he always speaks to me there
He makes a quick check around
And quickly says 'I love you'.

The way he says it makes my day
I would feel full of life again
I realize again that life is because of him
And I wish this would continue forever.

But I was wrong!
I should have expected this to happen.
He got married and now
He does not need me.

He has thrown me to a corner
And my life is so empty
Now I only wake him and his wife everyday
With a sadness in the same tune.

He does not like the tune anymore
And never smiles at me.
It was too late when I realized that
I was just another cellphone.

courtesy by

Monday, September 12, 2011

The rants of a student

Note: In this post, I am not generalizing the lecturers. I want to throw light on some notions created by some lecturers in their mind that makes a difference they don't realize. To my brother Ajith and his wife Meghna, I just want to say, you both are the best lecturers ever.

I had written a post on the lecturers who take revenge on their students. Actually there is more to it than revenge. When I was staying in a paying guest house, there was a gal staying in the next room. One weekend I had been to her room and learnt she was working as a lecturer in an engineering college. She had graduated just a year ago. She asked about my marks in engineering college and I told her the truth. Just have a look at the conversation.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

My first blogger interview!!!

My hubby's birthday bash had just got over and I was off for shopping for a trip to native. The next thing I remember is me packing for the trip. Travel for the whole night followed by  two days of festival Gauri Tadige and Ganesh Chaturti had got me really exhausted. Got up today for a day of rest and suddenly remembered that it is long I uploaded something in my blog and guess what! I was welcomed by my own interview being uploaded by Jidhu Jose. When he had asked me for my interview as a blogger, I was surprised as I was just having a blog with less than 10 posts then. So, in that case, am I worthy enough to give an interview as a blogger? I really don't think so. Anyway, the interview really gives the feel of a blog-star. I feel a lot privileged to have given my interview as a blogger. Do check it here and let me know how you felt.

Thank u so much Jidhu. Your support and your blogs Reflections and Bloggers World have helped me a lot in publicizing my blog.

Here are some pics of Ganesh Chaturti for you all to see. Ganapati Bappa Moreya!

Ganesh at Varang
Ganesh at my cousin's place

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Happy Birthday Hubby :)

My husband's name SUNIL means:


Yes. That is exactly him.

I met him in college back in 2006 November and learnt he was one of the most humble, polite and down-to-earth(even after having a huge female-fan-following) people I have ever met. It took us no time to become best friends After enjoying such a close friendship for about 2 yrs, we suddenly discovered we knew each other's feelings even without telling a word about it. But the little doubt that it might be our imagination made us wait for another year. The end of the 3rd yr made us confident enough that it is not our imagination but seriously we can understand each others' feelings just by listening to the other's voice on the phone. We spoke about it and realized that we had got committed to each other. With the approval of our respective parents, we tied the knot exactly 4 months before this day (yes we complete 4 months of wedded life this day).

Today on his birthday, I wish him all the happiness of the world. I just want to say I am too lucky to have him as my husband.

Dark Chocolate cake.. Slurrrpppp!
Suni, I love u so much. >:D<

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Guess what! My first ever blogger award!! :D

Woohoo!! I guess I am freaking out! My husband, who has a beautiful blog (you can read it here), has shared his Versatile Blogger Award with me.

Thank u so much Sunil. I love you for this.
I don't really know if I am worthy enough to bag this award. Anyways there are some rules to follow.

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about you.
3. Spread the love and honor.
4. Award and contact 7 recently discovered bloggers.

So now I got to share 7 things about me. 
1. I act too childish and keep doing crazy things. 
2. I attract people with problems and I don't really know why. People end up telling me their problems and I end up replying to them what I feel like replying. Surprisingly they find it useful and they feel a lot better. The common comments I received are that I speak with lot of maturity and I can be a good counselor. Even though I'l be a bit surprised, I feel happy that I could make someone smile.
3. I'm too sensitive when it comes to movies. I can't watch tragic, scary or violent ones. I love the Twilight series, mythological, romantic and comedy movies.
4. Music is my first love. 
5. I love crafting, embroidering glass painting and the like. I love to learn more of the sort. 
6. I am in love with  the idea of love.
7. People compare me with the character of Geet from the movie Jab We Met. But they also agree I am highly practical about my life. The reality is I am practical and I am not like Geet but there are some fundas of life (which I call high fandus) which she says in the movie and those are my lines she stole. I don't know if you have observed or not but the point #2 and #6 above are similar to Geet. She also says "Aage kya hota hai iska kisiko idea nahi hai; tho main bas vahi karthi hu jo mera dil chahtha hai. Kyonki aage chalke main ye nahi kehna chahthi ke Ji aapki vajah se meri life me problem aa  gayi. Agar meri life me problem aati hai tho meri vajah se so I'll be happy! "  which I totally believe in. And just like her, main bhi apni favourite hoon. If I am having an unusual exciting moment a very happy one; I like to think that later in life, I'll think about this moment and laugh. If I am having a bad time, I will start wondering if this time will really matter later in life.

If I keep speaking about me, I'll end up writing a whole book. So I'll stop here.

Well, it is my husband gave me this award. So I really doubt a bit more if I really deserve it. He might have given out of love. But I am truly honored and privileged.

I am sharing this award with some of my favourite bloggers. 

Please don't go by the order. The list doesn't mean the others are not good. I just found these more versatile or they have already bagged lots of awards. I hope this chain continues and many newbies get more recognition. 

Happy blogging :)    

Friday, August 19, 2011

Rain rain.. DON'T go away! Please..

I was enjoying my Saturday evening reading others’ blogs, searching for job and listening to ‘Phir Mohabbat’ from the movie Murder2. It suddenly started raining outside and the electricity board had already decided to freak everyone out by maniacally turning on and off the power. It was raining so heavily that the house had become as dark as night. I am particularly not afraid of the dark but this had really pissed me off. I wished my husband had off this Saturday  and Dhaam Boom!! Thunder had me almost jumped from my seat. One moment passed and the lightning made the whole house full of light for a split second and I were deaf, I would have easily mistaken it for someone clicking a picture with flash. Sometimes I feel that when God gets in a mood for photography, the thunder and lightning happens. The thunder is the click sound of his giant camera and the lighting its flash. I saw the time. It was 5pm. Still 2 to 3 hrs for my hubby to reach home. No power is OK. But this power on and off once in every two minutes is a headache. I thanked god (for the nth time) for making me have a laptop so that I will not be bored to death on days (if any) with no power. I decided I will have tea and was about to go to the kitchen when the doorbell rang.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

The debt of my life!

I know you will be angry with me
But I don't have another choice.
I thought they would listen to me 
But I didn't have the voice.

I had listened to every word they said.
I expected they would listen to me here.
I walked on the road bowing my head down and
Never spoke to anyone because of their fear.

I had never known the fact that
Love is not in anyone's control.
While I had denied my feelings on your face;
My tears had spoken the words of my soul.

Life had become so beautiful
I saw the love in your eyes;
You held my hands and promised
'I'm yours forever', it felt so nice.

I never thought they would oppose
And lock me inside my house!
For choosing something on my own;
Even if it is as important as my spouse.

I thought they would agree
As we belong to the same caste.
But they said the choice wasn't mine!
That conversation was the last.

It is not that I did not fight for you -
I have even threaten to kill myself!
But mom claimed giving birth to me is a debt,
I have to live my life their way even if I lose my self.

I thought my parents wanted to see me happy
But they love the society more
The society which knows only to find mistakes
Of the people who go against their rule.

I never guessed I was doing them a favor
By living my life their way
One important decision I took on my own
Cost me all the happiness within a day.

'I will never love anyone else'
Was the only promise I gave you
And I am keeping the promise
Even if I would never meet you.

My future is not in my hands;
I will be married soon for sure.
The day they will get me married;
My soul will be alive no more.

I have sacrificed my love for them
Now there is no love in me for anyone
Please move on in life and be happy
Forget me and marry someone.

I am not worthy enough to ask you
Not to be angry with me
I have always loved only you
Your memories will be always there with me.

You have promised that you live for me
Please remember your word
I am no better than dead now
By ending your life, for me, don't make it worse.

I will feel a little alive
If you are happy in your life
Please do me that one favor and make it easy
To pay back my parents their debt - My Life!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Blogger husband

I was introduced into blogging by a friend of mine. He saw my potential (I guess) after reading the poems I wrote when I was 12 years old. Okay, he read that 2 yrs back, not when I was 12 yrs old (I wish I had met him then). An ignorant as I am, I asked him ‘How?’ He educated me about it and I was clueless as to what to write and posted my first poem straight away. I knew he used to blog and I had liked his blog because he had his own style and a way of presenting. I do not know if it related to blogging (in one way it did relate, he had used blog as a means to convey his feelings for me here) or not but I eventually fell for the same person and coincidentally he also did and we got married. So what I ultimately wanted to say is that my husband is a blogger. Now you may ask what the big deal about this is. I just thought about listing the pros and cons of having a blogger husband. Let me go with the good things first.

Merits of having a blogger husband:
1. If you get any appreciation or page views shoot up, he will genuinely appreciate you for that. If he was not into blogging, he would not have known how it feels when you actually get appreciation from someone you do not know in person (especially if that person is a good blogger), when you see 150-200 people viewing your page per day, and see the increasing list of comments for every post of yours.
2. When you are about to publish your new post, you can get a review from him on how the post is and you will get his perspective about the post and the topic. He will tell you the flaws so that you can improve.
3. He will understand you when he discovers you are addicted to blogging.
4. He will never say ‘Don’t you have anything to speak about other than blogging?’
5. He will join you when you get excited that one of the India’s top bloggers has started to follow your blog.
6. He will tell you about that blogger who writes in yet another different style which is quite interesting.
7. If I see a gadget in someone’s blog and I want it in my blog, all I have to do is jump from my place and say ‘I want this gadget I want this gadget’ like a kid says when he sees ice cream. Given that all men are gadget freaks, it will be on my blog the next time I see it.
8. If there is a blogging contest, it will be fun as both of us will plot differently and participate and analyze each other’s post. When it is time to vote, I am very sure that I will get at least one vote (if you know what I mean J ).
9. You get to know what he really really thinks about you. For example, my husband has written about our wedding and how he fell in love and how much courage he had worked upon to propose me. Actually that was the time when I discovered there was a lot more to it than how much I knew about his feelings.
10. If you get frustrated about some system or government or attitude of some people and speak about it genuinely, he will point out that it can be a good topic for your next post and you will realize that it had really never crossed my mind. 
11. If you are dating a blogger (or for that matter you meet some blogger through matrimonial sites and the like) then you can get to know more about him through his blog. For example, what he opinion is about woman, career for a married woman, society, caste discrimination and the like. You will, therefore, get a little idea of how your life will be if you get married to him.
12. Bloggers usually have a good sense of humour or a good way of framing and presenting thoughts.
13. They will usually have the heart to appreciate someone else’s good work.
14.  A large number of bloggers are extremely romantic.
15. There’s a great chance that he will be really talented in poetry, photography and/or painting.

Demerits of having a blogger husband:
1. Sometimes you have to compromise on the topics. For me it is not that difficult as he finds my topics high fundu. But at times even I get to face this. For example, there is this 3 year old gal who is on the roadside in front of my house and she is walking on a rope to entertain people. We felt bad seeing her and I asked my husband to go and give her some money. He went there and learnt that the man who was playing the drums is her father. Her mother was also there, collecting the money people gave and holding another kid. This meant that the family of four was surviving at the expense of the 3 year old girl’s rope walking job. After he went to give the girl the money, I thought I should write about this in my blog. He came back and he said he wants to write about it in his blog. Now someone has to compromise. This time I compromised as I felt he was keen about writing it.
2. Most of the time you get praises from him for your posts. So you tend to start getting suspicious if he genuinely liked them or he’s saying that because he loves you.
3. There is a great chance that both of you will fight for the laptop to write articles. Most of the bloggers are very slow writers. At times you wish you had a different laptop. And if he is a computer games addict then you will get frustrated.
4. It is a bit irritating when he chooses to write something in a gal’s perspective. It does look a bit artificial because guys can never actually think that way. Even though you find lots of mistakes, you can’t help appreciating his effort. So you say it is great but at the same time, you end up telling him not to write in a girl’s perspective anymore.
5. If you are on the sensitive side, it gets real bad when he writes something really gory, ruthless or narrates something deeply about topics like rape or some sort of too much violence.

Okay. Now may be because it is my husband whom I am speaking about, I did not expect I would write a lot of merits compared to the demerits. But this is it. If you have more to it, then do let me know. 

Saturday, July 23, 2011


This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 22; the twenty-second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Revenge can be of different types. A teenager takes revenge on his best friend because his love is close to him. The religious political parties take revenge on each other by slaughtering people supporting the opposite parties. According to The Bhagavad Gita, revenge is the purest form of emotion. But in this post I would like to share one of the most unfortunate as well as the most common revenges of all. Allow me to explain with a scenario:

She was sitting in the class trembling. Sweat beads rolled down from her forehead. The guest lecturer entered the class. She had heard the tales of his strictness. He also was a university invigilator. This surprise class was announced that day itself. The main lecturer for that subject had left the college in the middle of the semester. So there was supposed to be no class that hour. But the management had somehow managed to have this particular lecturer for that hour. She had given her notes to someone the previous day and that person had not showed up. She had got some spare book for the day. She did not know much about the subject. It was pretty tough and difficult to follow. If he asks me questions I’m gone, she thought. Her friend who had told her the tales of that lecturer had told ‘Just stay quiet and don’t move too much. That’s it.’ She hoped the hour will go fine and waited for the lecturer to come.

A lean person with a big stomach came with an I-will-take-no-nonsense expression. He had started lecturing and as usual, she was not able to follow a word. What to do if he asks her a question was her only worry. She decided that she will blindly write some of the points he says. She quickly started scribbling some points he stressed on. She thought she will be able to answer if he asks simple questions. But she was feeling very nervous. Suddenly she was startled when someone touched her shoulder from behind. She turned back to see that it was her classmate who called her to ask something.

 ‘Do you have a spare pen? No one has got here. My pen is not working.’

‘Huh? Ok! Err... No I don’t have a pen.’

‘Hey why are you so freaked out?’

‘Nothing.’ She mouthed and turned to look forward only to see the lecturer staring at her.

‘WHATTT ARE YOU DOING?’ the lecturer roared.

She did not know what to do. She was trembling there nervous.


‘Err.. Nothing sir. She asked me . . .’

‘Dont you know you are not supposed to talk in the class? Let me see your notes.’ Interrupting her statement, he walked to her and checked her notes. He searched for all the pages. He had seen that it was not her notebook but he kept on searching. Finally he found a sketch of scenery in the book. He was furious. ‘WHATTT IS THIS???’

‘Sir this is my rough book and a friend had borrowed my. . . ’


She put her head down and walked away from the class with the whole class staring at her with pity. She tried hard not to cry while leaving and disappeared from the room.

This happens everywhere. Ok now this is just one scenario. Basically I want to discuss about the revenge lecturers take on students for very small reasons. Let me list out some of the revenges taken by lecturers I have come across:

1. Making the student fail in the final exam. (Like the above scenario which was a true story.He actually succeeded in making her fail in the semester lab final examination.) Another friend of mine had a little different experience. The university invigilator has completed the viva for him but the college lecturer had not had enough. He called him again and fired questions at him.

2.   If the student is found doing something wrong on the first day, the student is asked questions everyday by that lecturer for the whole day of the year. (This happened to me. My offence was writing my name on the first page of my new book!)

3. This is much a continuation of the point #2 but can’t help making it another point. Suppose a new lecturer comes in the middle of the year. The lecturer in point #2 tells the new lecturer that this particular student is a troublesome one. (Actually the student caused trouble only for one day but the lecturer is giving him/her trouble every day.) The new lecturer believes the other lecturer and does the same. So the same student has to take the torture from another lecturer as well. In some cases, the lecturers as a team discuss which student is bad and that student will be tortured in every class for the whole year.


Most of the lecturers do not understand that students can ask for a pen to the fellow student or there can be academically poor students, like the girl in the above scenario, who do not understand the chapters in the first go. There are some lecturers who themselves do not know how horrible their lecture is. It is easier in the books but the lecturers make it more complicated. In some cases the lecturers make it so boring and it is so non-understandable by human brain but if they see someone feeling drowsy, they will get furious and throw difficult questions at them. Everyone understands that these lecturers prepare the whole night for the lecture and come to the class and they feel offended. But at least they can make the hour interesting by making it interactive so that the academically poor students can also understand at least half the idea of what the lecturers want to convey. If the class is really troublesome, they can just say if the students cooperate he will give extra marks or make the question paper easy. The students will readily agree. This is one of the most unfortunate revenges which not only ruins the student’s life but also changes their overall attitude towards lecturers, education system and college.

Generally, revenges can be categorised into 3 types considering the reason for the revenge. The first type is misunderstanding like the above scenario. Well, in the case of lecturers, may God give them enough common sense to understand how much a student suffers because of their tantrums. In other cases, the only way to avoid a revenge is to clear all the misunderstandings. For the avenger, he has to think practically and consider all options and should not jump into conclusions.

The second case is 'harm' that happened unknowingly like teenage love triangle. Here the one who suffers does not even know what he/she is being avenged for. This is one type of revenge that is completely out of control just like teenage love itself.


The third case is where the person has actually done something bad for the avenger. Such people either have some kind of sadistic pleasure or the person was blocking their way of success so they had to side-track him. So they ruin the person’s life which compels him to take the revenge. There is only one way to tackle this for the avenger. The best and most recommended revenge of all : HAPPINESS. Nothing will drive the person crazier than seeing him having a great life even though the person has tried his best to make his life miserable. 
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Thank you for the love!

As you can see, I started blogging since 2009. I had not taken blogging that seriously. I just wrote whenever I felt like and got a computer to actually type it. One post in 2009 and three posts in 2010 did nothing. Then my engagement and wedding had made me too busy to blog.

Last month I decided to take blogging a little more seriously and on July 1st I uploaded one article on wedding ceremonies. I got a huge response and 900 clicks in 10 days made my page clicks cross 1000!

Thank you all my readers for so much love. I will try my best to entertain you with my articles and spread smiles around. With so many clicks, I get curious on how you felt after reading my posts. So it is my humble request to write your comments if you have. I know you are contributing your precious time on my blog. In that case, just below every post, there are star ratings and reactions. Please click on those to let me know how you felt about my post. That will not take much of your time. If you wish to rate my blog as a whole, there is an option at the right side of the page. Thanks again. :)

Note: After reading my post on my wedding, many of you had requested me to write what a groom felt about the wedding day. I had promised to take my husband’s opinion and write about it. When I asked him, I found there was a lot more to it than what I had expected. So I requested him to write about it in his blog. To see the post, click here and let me know how you felt about my post as well as his. 

Friday, July 15, 2011

Empty Holidays...

It was the last day of her exams. The last exam was done. She was sad. Most of her classmates were excited about the holidays. One gal had started giggling and showing off her holiday plans. The two gals who were scared of failing in the exams were calculating again and again how much marks they can possibly score. Everyone else was discussing about movies they can watch in holidays or meet and hang out. She decided to just keep quiet and wait for her classmate (also her neighbour) to go home. She hoped no one would ask her what her plans are for the holidays. She did not want to cry in school.  All these days she had been trying not to cry in school, in spite of many people asking her why she is looking dull. Why on the last day before the holidays! She decided to interrupt the person and ask her instead about the exams. She is a topper. So she knows she will definitely pass even though she had not touched her books. She tried very hard not to think of the holidays. Anything she tries to think about will bring her back the memories of her previous holidays.

The bent coconut tree on which she and her cousins used to sit and look at the waves of Bay of Bengal, trying to shout louder than the sound of the waves and laugh, the bridges and tunnels her older cousins used to make out of wet sand, jumping high from the swing and then falling on the sand, deeply concentrating on how her artist cousin is building the sand castle, grandma giving them homemade sweets and ice candies when they come home tired after playing the whole day, grandma telling stories at night. She had always wished she could stay with them. Everyday would have been fun. Her father was the only one among his four brothers who had a transferable job because of which he had settled in South Karnataka. Every holiday her father would take her to Chennai and she would have the best time of her life there. But now...

She did not have any close friends. She was an only child to her parents. Her parents had stopped speaking to her out of shock.

‘Hey, what plans for holidays?’ the gal who usually sits next to her in class interrupted her thoughts.

She was so shocked she looked at her with wide eyes. Oh my god! Did she have to spot me today? ‘Eh? Nothing’ was all she said and looked away.

How rude! ‘Never mind.’

She hoped badly for her neighbour to come so that she can run home and save herself from more people. Home!  She thought. Was it a home anymore? It was more like three people are staying together but in their own world. Not even bothered to ask how the day went. How perfect was everything just two months back! Life was so good back then. Now there is no friend, no one to bother and understand what is really happening in her life. She had spoken rudely to her best friend so she has stopped speaking to her now. But today her best friend was staring at her. She felt uneasy. The stare was more like a concern. But she did not have the courage to face her as her friend was innocent. She looked away absentmindedly. She thought her friend would have gone by now. She slowly turned to look from the corner of her eye to check if her friend is still there. She suddenly took aback when she saw her friend standing right behind her. She did not know what to say.

‘Hi!’ she could not keep her voice from breaking.

‘Hi. I know now that you said all that unintentionally. I am not angry with you anymore. Can we be like before again?’ her dear friend said with a smile.

‘Er... I am really sorry about that day. But you might find me different now. I am not the same gal anymore.’ She said without meeting her eyes with her best friend. She was feeling better as she was speaking wholeheartedly to someone after so long.

‘Does that mean that we cannot be friends again?’

‘I didn’t say that. I just told you in case....’ She trailed off looking away.

‘Hey what is wrong with you? Tell me..’

‘Err... Nothing’ I don’t want to cry again. No I am not crying. I won’t.

Her friend was puzzled but did not want to force her more. After all she had got her dear friend back after so long. Why ruin the day they patched up? So she thought she will speak something casual. ‘So when are you leaving to Chennai?’

‘Chennai!’ her voice broke. It felt like she did not have tears anymore. She cleared her throat and said ‘No, I am not going this time.’

‘Then what will you do here alone? Your parents will be working the whole day. I am going to my native.’

‘Errr... Let me see... Can you try to come back soon?’

‘Ok. I will try. But... Hey what are you saying? You could not stay away from your grandma and cousins for even one holiday. What happened this time?’

She just looked away. ‘This time there will be no one in Chennai. No native, no cousins, no grandma. Tsunami washed away everything.’

P.S. This is based on a real life story of a 14 year old gal. This is my first work that is not based on my life. Let me know how you felt. 

Saturday, July 9, 2011

My take on Wedding Ceremonies: Then and now (Part 2)

To go to Part 1, click here.

My wedding

In Konkani weddings (and most of the south Indian Brahmin weddings), most of the rituals look more like a stage performance. The only difference is that the pandit directs you at each and every step. A simplified story goes like this:

A guy, going to the Kashi (I don’t know exactly why, some say it is the higher studies of olden days), is stopped by a man (the father of a gal of supposedly marriageable age) on his way. The man requests the guy to cancel his plan and instead marry his daughter and become a family man. The guy (should) agree without even seeing the gal. The gal, who has no idea about the guy and this conversation, will obviously disagree for the marriage. She is persuaded by her maternal uncle and she agrees. Her uncle brings her to the mantap and then the guy and the gal are facing each other but a cloth is held between them so they cant see each other. After the chanting (which look like never-ending) is over, they are allowed to see each other. The gal is asked to garland the guy first to say she has accepted him and then the guy will garland the gal. Then after another set of chanting and rituals is over, the guy will tie the Mangalsoothra (sacred thread) around her neck and they are married. Done!

In reality, all these sound kind of absurd. In my case, my husband had introduced my parents to his. So the story is quite opposite to mine.  My husband (after our engagement) used to get weird ideas on the going-to-Kashi scenario. One was that he would take a few steps towards Kashi, take a look at my dad’s side from the corner of his eye and if my dad has not started towards my husband to stop him, he would come back and start again. Another was like when he is asked to go to Kashi, he would tell the pandit ‘No bhatmaam (pandit), she has waited for me for years. I can’t leave her and go just like that you know!’ Other weird ideas about the moment we are married were like if he had a time machine, he would have it paused, moon-walk on stage, come back to his seat and then play the time machine!

When it comes to my wedding, it gets completely different compared to just attending a wedding. It is me on the stage. I get reminded again and again that I’m the limelight (something I never liked). But then it felt like why I should take it that way after all.  As my colleague had said, this is my day. This is going to be the most special day of my life. Why not enjoy the limelight! Unlike the brides whom I had watched in movies or my cousins, I was not nervous about how my future life will be and how my in-laws will treat me (I was a little nervous about that but it was negligible). Instead I was nervous about how the day would go. I knew I was clumsy. Dropping things from my hand or tripping a couple of steps is not that rare. If people are watching then it just gets worse. I can be called attention-phobic. When I asked mom for suggestions, she said ‘do what the pandit tells you to do’ which just added to the tension.

Another tension was how I would look in the wedding sari. I din want to look fat (no, not the way girls would worry about looking fat) because my husband is on the thinner side and I’m average. We have to match up to each other. He would be wearing a shervani so he would look a little fatter. He is photogenic and loves posing for pictures. It is not the case with me. Posing for pictures is not that a comfortable thing for me. Secondly when it comes to pictures on the wedding day, the photographers will ask you to stand in the poses that are way too embarrassing.

Like every other bride, I just slept for 45minutes the previous night. At 7 am we were in the wedding hall. While I was dressing up (the dress looked more like a dance costume) I was hyperventilating on how the day would go. My cousin, who recently got married, told me that feeling comfortable and behaving yourself will make you look better. It did work! I instantly felt better and my sister also told me on stage that I am not looking awkward in any angle. My head started working positively and I remembered that people close to me are coming to attend my wedding. I did not want to be like most brides so busy with their rituals that they will not even know who is attended and who is not. I was probably the only bride in the history of Konkani weddings who was sitting on the stage and waving at the people (not by lifting my arm, just from my lap-height) gracefully enough not to look awkward. And I was right. Whoever enters the hall first sets their eyes on the bride. Therefore it was easy to smile at them and still not get shouted at from pandit for not listening to him.

The signature moment was great. My three uncles and aunts brought me to the mantap. After seemingly infinite minutes of chanting, when I was allowed to garland my husband, he bowed at me as a gesture of gratitude of accepting him. I returned the favour by bowing at him while he garlanded me. Some more rituals and he tied the Mangalsoothra (now a coral chain) around my neck and we were declared married. The feeling was definitely great but it did not make us forget the hunger and tiredness of being there from 7 am. There was only one break to change into another costume and simultaneously have some food someone got for me which was not enough. The remaining rituals were with my husband. He made me feel a lot better by speaking to me.

We were lucky that the Muhurtham (auspicious time to get married) was early (at 11 am) as that prevented the photographers from clicking our photos in embarrassing poses. But the worst and the unavoidable part about wedding ceremony even in my wedding remains the same - photo session. I tried my level best to smile and greet the people whole heartedly and smile for the photos. After some hundred photos, I realized my cheeks were paining out of holding a smile for a long time. There is one photo where I am looking like I was about to cry. We knew this would continue till 2 pm. Finally we got to have lunch and head towards my house. When I was waving at my parents and sister, I could see that everyone was hiding every feeling from everyone. My cousin, who was teasing me since three days that he is too happy I am going out of my family, told me that he had teased me a lot but now he realized that he will miss me a lot. After I sat in the car next to my husband, my dad just held my hand and pressed it a little that told everything he had to say. I knew that the next time I go there; it will be my mother’s house. I was going to step in a new chapter of my life. With a few drops of tears I had not let out, I set off to my new house. Once my mom’s house was out of my sight, I saw my hand my husband had held and realized that he had not let my hand free from his from the time we were married. 

Friday, July 1, 2011

My take on Wedding Ceremonies: Then and now

Before my wedding

Being on the clumsier side(I would rather say that people around me are always over smart), wedding was a word I normally never chose to say aloud in childhood days as this topic would lead to another irritating topic- match making and I would be teased for no relevant reason. Just one question about wedding is enough and I would be flooded with questions like why do you keep thinking about wedding all the time, do you want to get married soon, is that why I don’t see you studying. I am too grateful to god for not giving me any cousins who I can get married to. Otherwise I would be teased with him like anything. Why is the word wedding introduced to us in such an irritating fashion?

As a kid, I was supposed to stick around my mom in wedding ceremonies as I will also be wearing some gold (there were too many people and it is not safe), thus preventing me from playing with other kids of my age. Otherwise I would have made friends with them easily(my mom's statement, I can speak to even a stone) and saved myself from extreme boredom and my mom from my extreme irritation. When my uncle got married I learnt that wedding changes both the guy and the gal’s lives drastically. Why should there be 1000s of people gathered for two people getting married?

As I grew up a little more, my cousin got married. That was fun. We used to comment on the people from the groom’s side as they were strangers to us and we were not bothered about the fact that we were supposed to welcome the guests by sprinkling rose water on them and presenting women flowers. We tried to distract the bride by doing gestures when she was following the pandit with the rituals. She would shout at us later but we were in our own world. From here the great saga of match-making started. And this ends only when you get married. From then onwards, attending wedding became a highly troubling thought.

On a beautiful Saturday afternoon, when the weekend just starts, all the happiness is spoilt when mom says ‘tomorrow we are attending a wedding’. Grrrr!!! Throat cleared. I did not hear anything. Ignorance is bliss. And then mom says ‘I’m going alone so you come with me’. Another grrrr! And mom says ‘There’s no harm in socializing a bit. And you don’t even know your grandma’s sister’s son-in-law’s brother’s kids.’ Why do I have to know them? Anyway, my mom is an unstoppable force of nature. She was about to ask me to practise wearing a smile on my face but I was already working on it.

The best part about weddings for me is that there is a man now in his 70’s named Dev. I call him Dev maam (Dev uncle) because he likes it that way. As a kid I used to call him TV ajjo(TV grandpa) because we became friends when he came to my house and mom was preparing something for him as well as looking after my sister(a kid then) and dad was not at home and I attended him with a friendly gesture. Our conversation picked up and he started throwing general questions about TV and he was impressed by the way I responded. The next time I attended a wedding, mom introduced him to me as ‘Do u remember this grandpa? He asked you about TV at our place, remember?’.  He happens to be my grandpa’s cousin and is a very good friend of mine. His wife (who is also very sweet and is coincidentally my grandma’s cousin) often calls me Dev maam’s girlfriend (she even told that to my husband on my wedding day while wishing). He is my savoir when my mom decides to introduce me to someone I don’t know. I quickly disappear and will be busy talking to him. Mom won’t interrupt as he is an elderly person. If he doesn’t attend the wedding then I am in danger.

The giggling sisters would tell me for the 63rd time that they have seen me when I was a baby. And I would swear for the 39th time that next time before they tell me, I would tell them that when they saw me when I was a baby, I wanted to punch them. I would even smile a bit at the thought of seeing them not giggling.  An overacting fat woman in her 50’s would come to me and say ‘Oh my god, you have grown up!’ as if she expected me to shrink with time. This comment was worse for me as at the age of 12 I was 5’4”and I never grew an inch after that. The problem is the latter part was a mystery at that time. So the comment will continue ‘if she keeps getting taller like this, how will you find a taller groom for her?’. Come on aunty. I’m just 12. I’m getting married at 27. There are 15 long years to search. Don’t you worry. I will search one for myself by then. The most common question after getting introduced is ‘What are you doing in life?’ The response to my answer is ‘Really? You look like you are going for a job.’ Then she calculates in her mind my age with that of her close relative and the most eligible bachelor according to her and decides that he has to wait a lot for me so it is a bad idea. I would smile a little more thinking that the poor guy doesn’t even know what is happening and she imagined him waiting for a 7th Standard gal to be of marriageable age and complete her studies.

Another escape from these people is to help the old people. They end up being familiar faces as they sit in the same place and are too weak to get up even for the feast. Someone has to get a plate overfilled with all the food items for them. I offer to get the plate for them and they will not be overfilled, just what they want. They ask me again and again who I am(because they forget) and I would reply confidently because I know that they are too preoccupied with making ideas on how to get up to think about my wedding. Here we also get bonus blessings.

People rush to the serving hall the moment they are allowed to. Some are too hungry to wait. Some want to hog as much as they can so they come without having breakfast. Some come late and directly go to the serving hall without even checking if they are attending the right wedding or not.  Some are worried if the wedding halts they won’t get to have the food. After four to 5 rounds, comes our round to have food. Mom will still be busy introducing me to someone, but I’m too busy with the food to answer their questions and my mom does it for me.

The worst part in a wedding is greeting the couple and posing for a picture. There is rarely any couple out there who smiles whole-heartedly and accepts our wishes. They are so preoccupied with the pandit that even if someone comes with a smile and in a greeting gesture says ‘Dude I din like your choice’, still the guy will take it as ‘Congratulations’ and will thank him. In short, they will not have the patience to listen what the person is saying as they will be tired of listening to each and everything the pandit says.  They do not really bother that we have come. Even some of my really good friends acted weird when we came to greet them. They just gave a half smile and continued. It is very disappointing. But why would they care? There will be thousands of people and the day will be one of the most special days in their life. Not to mention they will be stressed and tired and hungry.

The whole idea of this changed when it was me getting married.


You might also like...

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...