Thursday, August 4, 2011

The debt of my life!


I know you will be angry with me
But I don't have another choice.
I thought they would listen to me 
But I didn't have the voice.

I had listened to every word they said.
I expected they would listen to me here.
I walked on the road bowing my head down and
Never spoke to anyone because of their fear.

I had never known the fact that
Love is not in anyone's control.
While I had denied my feelings on your face;
My tears had spoken the words of my soul.

Life had become so beautiful
I saw the love in your eyes;
You held my hands and promised
'I'm yours forever', it felt so nice.

I never thought they would oppose
And lock me inside my house!
For choosing something on my own;
Even if it is as important as my spouse.

I thought they would agree
As we belong to the same caste.
But they said the choice wasn't mine!
That conversation was the last.

It is not that I did not fight for you -
I have even threaten to kill myself!
But mom claimed giving birth to me is a debt,
I have to live my life their way even if I lose my self.

I thought my parents wanted to see me happy
But they love the society more
The society which knows only to find mistakes
Of the people who go against their rule.

I never guessed I was doing them a favor
By living my life their way
One important decision I took on my own
Cost me all the happiness within a day.

'I will never love anyone else'
Was the only promise I gave you
And I am keeping the promise
Even if I would never meet you.

My future is not in my hands;
I will be married soon for sure.
The day they will get me married;
My soul will be alive no more.

I have sacrificed my love for them
Now there is no love in me for anyone
Please move on in life and be happy
Forget me and marry someone.

I am not worthy enough to ask you
Not to be angry with me
I have always loved only you
Your memories will be always there with me.

You have promised that you live for me
Please remember your word
I am no better than dead now
By ending your life, for me, don't make it worse.

I will feel a little alive
If you are happy in your life
Please do me that one favor and make it easy
To pay back my parents their debt - My Life!

20 comments:

Jidhu Jose said...

Wow..Preethy
lovely poem

some unspoken words said...

nicely penned.u have a great blog.liked it.

SUB said...

nice one :)

Vijay Menon said...

beautiful :)

....Here I Am!

Shobhit said...

You put into words so nicely what i tried to convey in my posts. And having been involved in things so closely and so many times, i can very well relate to the thoughts.

Wonderfully written !

Preethika Shenoy Padiyar said...

@ Jidhu: Thank u :)

@ some unspoken words: Thank u so much.. Glad u liked it.. :)

@ subrashis: Thanks :)

@ Vijay Menon: Thanks da.. :)

@ Shobit: It is your blog which inspired me more to write this poem Shobit.. This happened with my friends also but when I read ur post Unaccetable love, I got the idea to write... I wanted to inform you that I have written this but you already saw.. It is my hubby who published this as I did not have the time.. So couldn't inform you also.. Thanks a lot for inspiring me... Glad you liked it... :)

alchemist said...

nice post. Don't worry about page views :)

Purba said...

Imagine sacrificing your child's love for the sake of your ego?
Tragic isn't it?

shalinijena said...

beautiful...

Preethika Shenoy Padiyar said...

oh my god alchemist I am not worried about page views. I just wait for them to drop so that I can post something... :P Thanks :)

@ Purba: yeah... sadly it is happening a lot in North India... Not to forget the honor killings...

Sunil Padiyar said...

As for the poem - great work wifey.. and as far as the subject, here is my two cents..

As far as the person whom you love - is the 'right' person in all the ways there is no problem in love marriages. But in some cases, people come to know about it only after they are married and start living together... May be that is why parents are scared of love marriages. That is one part of the story. Secondly, the same caste & religion.. A lot has been said about this, but to be honest, I would prefer to go with 'same religion' concept.. For myself or my future kids... But then, how do we handle it if it isn't the case, may be that is where people need to improve... Unfortunately in some cases, parents don't let their children to go for love marriages even if the person they chose are the right ones... If at parents oppose, then they should have a valid/practical reason for it..

Considering the life partner would be the major decision of ones life - it is the right of anyone to chose on his/her own... Agreed... But then, it should not be just a fascination/attraction.

Preethika Shenoy Padiyar said...

@ Shalini : Thank u :)

@ Hubby : It will take time for the whole society to change..

Shobhit said...

@ Sunil :

"in some cases, people come to know about it only after they are married and start living together... " - Wouldn't this statement be more valid for arranged marriages ? Where the couple to be married meet just once (usually) or a few times during the few days before marriage.

At least in love marriages, the couple do know each other better than that. Though I've seen cases where even such love marriages came face to face with some unknown realities after marriage.

But there are much more chances of unpredictability in arranged marriages than in love marriages.

And as for the religion issue, why should marriage be related with religion ? It is usually so just because of the countless rituals in every home which are governed by religion.

So, why can't a person accept and practice the rituals as per the religion of his/her lover 'ALONGSIDE' his/her own religious rituals ?

Or else, why can't they both give up on rituals all together ?

BUT....... do we see the Indian society changing on those lines ??? :D

Preethika Shenoy Padiyar said...

@ Shobit : I second u on this. For example, have u seen Shah Rukh Khan's praying room? They have both Hindu and Muslim gods in the same room.

Suppose in our society if a Hindu and Muslim are married then neither Hindus nor Muslims will think of getting married to their(the above Hindu Muslim couple's) kids. That is why my husband mentioned same religion.

In orthodox castes like mine, we are so used to our own caste ka rituals, festivals, language and food, it gets really difficult (for me) to get adjusted with someone of another caste. So I would never have gone for an inter-caste ('coz it is highly inconvenient for me) but I don't have any problem if someone else does.

Sunil Padiyar said...

@Shobhit - Yes that is a plus point in love marriages as the person will be knowing the other more than how it would be in case of arranged... But my point is, no matter how well we know a person, we'l discover many things about them only after we start living together.. may be that is the reason why in some cases people do seperate even though theirs was a love marriage...

But yes, the Risk factor would be less in such cases..

I also tried to put light on the fact that, at least 60% of the so called love - relationships are mostly because of 'attraction', 'affection'... which starts at the early ages when some people are not matured enough.. And the real life is not as simpler as how they show it in most of Bollywood movies... If we truly find a committed person at the right time - then they can take the next step...

I am not against love marriages here, nor the inter-cast marriage... I was just talking about my preferences... I would go with 'same cast' love marriage (and thankfully, that is what happened in my case...).. And why is that - if not, it simply disconnects us from the society especially if you are from an orthodox family or who have such mentalities... It is easy to say that - it is our life and we should live for ourselves... But practially it isn't that easy...

Shobhit said...

@ Preethika :

Yes. It usually depends upon the surroundings in which one grows up. If it's an orthodox family, then it gets much more difficult to 'adjust' to anything new.

One more interesting point about inter-religion marriages in India is that, not thinking about the involved families and thinking in terms of the society, such couples usually have nothing to care if they are someone powerful (for example, celebrities or politicians). But a person from the lower economic class cannot even dare to think on those lines. That's one observation I made.


@ Sunil :

Yes. Mere attraction usually results in trouble later on. But once the truly committed person is found, then no other factor should be a problem to take the next step.

I've seen the orthodox mentality being difficult to break because of the fear of disapproval of the society. But once too often I have noticed that the same society is nowhere to be seen in times of real need. The society only comes up with its negative views once a person tries to do something positive but different.

But still, the fear of social disconnection is so huge that people prefer to stay in their orthodox ways.

LauraX said...

Beautiful, heartfelt poem...so glad I stopped by.

Preethika Shenoy Padiyar said...

@ Shobit: It is not that easy.. Fear of social discrimination is actually an important thing.. Now it looks silly.. But when you get married and have kids it comes into place.. We don't know what can happen in the future.. We can never say that we will always be free of problems.. If we need help badly and if no one is willing to help.. If we are in problem then it becomes difficult to face it if the society is against us.. It will take time for society to accept the new changes..

@ Laurax: Thanks a lot.. Glad u liked it... :)

Venkateswaran Ramachandran said...

An awesome way to express yourself....

Preethika Shenoy Padiyar said...

Thank u so much Venk :)

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